smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
