last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
