is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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