I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
