My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
