Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
