i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
PANTIES FOUND
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