Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
