your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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