We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
