I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
