The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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