we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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