just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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