ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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