so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
