I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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