I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
