Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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