just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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