im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
