I just saw a hot homeless man
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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