I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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