We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
