Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
