What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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