May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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