Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
