I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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