She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
