Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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