You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
