I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize