you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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