When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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