wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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