pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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