what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
