Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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