She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
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So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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