what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
