my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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