Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
