she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
