Where is the hickey?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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