He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
