I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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