i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
