The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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