I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
