oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Boobs speak an international language.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
