He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
