Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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