I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
