I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
