I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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