i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
