Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
