You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
