i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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