the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
