i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
