if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize