Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
