with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
