my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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