just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
