what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
