Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I could make wine with my vomit
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
