i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Bring me that man meat
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
