Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
