It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
