Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
