I'm pants shitting drunk right now
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
