I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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